A Christmas football wishlist. 2 (J-Q): St Niall unbans fans, Keano out

wish

For the second part of our letter to Santa, we name a few more of the things we’d like to see over the coming months. Come up with the best or funniest alternative wish for any letter – as judged by Salut! Sunderland – and we’ll send a tenner (up to one prize for each of the three parts of the series) ….

J is for Joan’s cafe, named as the venue for a Jedward concert after the nearby Stadium of Light is judged too big considering the likely turnout. Tickets narrowly fail to sell out.

K is for Roy Keane, who leaves Ipswich “by mutual consent” in May as relegation confirmed. When Grant Leadbitter and Carlos Edwards send text messages in commiseration, Keano replies saying: “I refer you both to what I told Dwight Yorke when he sent a similar SMS after I left Sunderland.”

L is for Laurent Blanc. Bordeaux go into freefall, out of the Champions League, sliding down Ligue 1 and costing Blanc his job as manager. Jean-Louis Triaud, the president, sees both his Saint-Julien vineyards go broke. Both blame the distractions caused by widespread disgust at their “not a big club” jibes at Sunderland.

M is for André Marriner, who officiates at the return game against Man Cini and gives us some decisions this time. He still allows two Man Cini offside goals and sends off Lorik Cana for being better looking. Nosworthy and Touré are again the talking points as we win 7-6.

N is for Nine One, the score at St Mike Ashley@StJames’.Park as Newcastle, newly promoted, entertain Sunderland and suffer the joint worst home defeat in English top flight history, having lost by the same score in the same tie in 1908.

O is for O Susannah, which Andy Reid, accompanying himself on banjo, takes to the top of the Irish charts, making his day after Thierry Henry’s first act as manager of the Republic of Ireland player-manager restores Reid to the squad. “Le banjo makes, ‘ow you say, a dreadful racket,” Henry says, “but Giovanni Trapattoni was wrong to exclude him just for that.”

P is for Pete (Sixsmith), who promises in March a “decision within days” on a new job after a bidding war involving The Guardian, The Observer and The Times; Salut! Sunderland admits it “can’t afford” to keep its star writer.

Q is for Niall Quinn, who announces in late January that he has dismissed SAFC officials involved in banning from the Stadium of Light supporters accused, but not convicted, of football-related disorder. “We’ve hit on a great new idea: in future, people will be considered innocent until proved guilty,” he says.


Colin Randall


* Image from the Flickr pages of [177]

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Salut! Sunderland is written, illustrated and edited by - and principally for - supporters of Sunderland AFC. The site aims to be sufficiently literate and entertaining to appeal to people who do not follow SAFC but enjoy good football writing.

9 Responses to “A Christmas football wishlist. 2 (J-Q): St Niall unbans fans, Keano out” Subscribe

  1. Bill Taylor December 22, 2009 at 2:39 pm #

    R is for Colin Randall, (sorry, I don’t know how to do boldface) who reinvents himself yet again as a publisher to bring the Collected Works of Sixsmith to a wider audience.

    S is for SAFC, Sixsmith, Stadium of Light and Sainthood, all of which are interlinked, though the name St. Peter is already taken.

    T is for Bill Taylor, who will do almost anything for a Tenner.

    W is for Win, Which is What We Will keep doing.

    X is for draw, which is not as good as W.

    Y is for Yes, of course we’ll keep winning; and Yellow, a good colour for a deckchair but not so good for an away strip.

    Z is for Zebra which given its unfortunate stripes, has no place here. Keep it with the rest of the animals in the rubbish@st.james.park.co.uk Zoo.

  2. jim December 22, 2009 at 4:08 pm #

    G is for Geordies! Geordies! Top of the League! see u on the way down yoyo club! hahaha- lets all laff at sunlun!

  3. jim December 22, 2009 at 7:02 pm #

    joanna_safc says:
    December 21, 2009 at 3:13 pm
    see the mags are getting more headlines-again!

    http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/columnists/simon-bird/Why-Newcastle-fans-are-one-of-the-marvels-of-the-modern-game-and-I-ve-got-the-numbers-to-prove-it-article265185.html

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  4. jim December 22, 2009 at 7:05 pm #

    lol even your fans are depressed at how Newcastle are doin more than your own team are! again! u know like last season? taking sad banners to your own game to celebrate incase we went down instead of u stayin up! lol my oh my! how sad it is to live in the shadows of NUFC 😉

  5. Bill Taylor December 22, 2009 at 7:55 pm #

    J is for Jim the Jackass who has apparently escaped from the rubbish@st.james.park zoo, perhaps by taking off his zebra stripes. Still, he’s a credit to his “team.”

  6. Pete Sixsmith December 22, 2009 at 9:37 pm #

    Well done Jim. Just when I thought I would be nice to any passing Mags, what with it being Christmas and all that, along you come and make me realise what a bunch of sad, deluded people you are. It’s restored my faith in human nature. Love ya.

  7. jim December 23, 2009 at 12:35 pm #

    No probs pete-small p-the truth hurts doesnt it? Then again your an old man-blinded by sunderlands success hahaha- hence your constant rumblings and bitter posts about Newcastle on your blog, as we get all the headlines and u get none-oooh! did i spell that rite? shorthand or text talk isnt allowed on your blog is it? As it gives the impression people are thick? Your patter is sad and always about Newcastle’s goings on, rather than your yoyo football team- sunlun! The joke of the north-nobody from the rest of the country knows where it is-on the footabll map or otherwise lol-oh yes in reference to winning the league(fizzy pop) wasnt that long ago your primates were doing their xmas tree clad celebrations for winning that same league was it? oh but now its something to ridicule? Enjoy languishing in the depths of the premier league’s relegation zone mate for a another few years of yoyo-ing- thats what its all about eh! love you too! Happy Xmas-damn i didnt spell that right either sorry…

  8. jim December 23, 2009 at 12:47 pm #

    http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/columnists/simon-bird/Why-Newcastle-fans-are-one-of-the-marvels-of-the-modern-game-and-I-ve-got-the-numbers-to-prove-it-article265185.html

  9. jim December 23, 2009 at 1:02 pm #

    Anyway Pete- im only retaliating u know-dont get yourself wound up or take it to heart-your a canny bloke-be it narrow minded with mackem blinkers on- but canny all the same-rivalry will always be there-we wont change that lol- all the best 😉

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