Monsieur Salut writes: you might struggle to believe it but Doug Shields, a Bristol Rovers diehard, did an excellent and amusing Who are You? interview here before the game at the SoL. This offering also has its entertaining moments.

But he doesn’t seem to have enjoyed his brief acquaintance with our fans the other night.

A lot of what follows is about food and I do wonder whether sour grapes might have crept into Doug’s dietary programme.

Or perhaps all Gasheads are gentle, indeed genteel souls whose idea of letting their hair down is to have two sweet sherries, not one, to wash down their crustless cucumber sandwiches while mistaking ‘Ha’way’, meaning come on, for ‘away’. Little wonder us ruffians from the north seemed so uncouth. Let Doug, a self-confessed lager drinker, take up the story …

ELDERLY MACKEM BONNIE AND CLYDE?

Leaving work and driving to the Mem for the “No one gives a XXXX til you’re in the semis Trophy”, I could feel my stomach rumbling.

It wasn’t a thunderous, angry rumble, more of a soft, inoffensive rumble, a bit like the home end at Asht*n Gate on a Saturday afternoon, but I knew I was hungry.

My favoured pre-match haunt is the Wellington, a once spit and sawdust boozer at the top of Gloucester Road which soon after the Gas were promoted back to the Football League became a “Gastro pub”.

You know the type … Gastro roughly translating as everything but the main course arriving in a tiny tin dish, about a third of the size of the ceramic cup you keep your toothbrush in.

Since then it has still been a decent place to have a pint, if the wallet can swallow the hiked prices for a pint of lager.

But on Tuesday night it was only the perfect venue if you were wearing red and white. The place was absolutely rammed full of Mackems, making far too much noise and generally making the place look untidy.

As I walked in, all I could hear was dodgy accents. The bar was heaving, and even the restaurant section was full and standing, very much like the 5.30pm Bristol Temple Meads to Weston train.

I began to push my way through towards the restaurant at the back of the pub, through a sea of 40-something blokes, typically shorter than me, and with paunches like the bloated, sun-tanned, beach-loving, demi-God in that old, funky Southern Comfort telly ad.

After waiting a few minutes the young, slightly stressed waitress showed me to a table for two.

Opposite me were a youngish couple who were sipping large glasses of white wine staring into each other’s eyes. They gently clinked their glasses together, and the gentleman smiled a silly grin.

The clink was drowned out a split-second later as a 6ft 4in Mackem yelled “Ha’way the lads”, sparking a full rendition of one of the most well-known but puzzling football chants known to man. After all they can’t always be away, and if they sing this when they are in fact AWAY, what do they sing when they are at home?

The loved-up couple clearly hadn’t checked Tuesday night’s fixture list.

As they looked around them, realising their quiet night out was going to be anything but quiet, another Sunderland fan, wearing a vintage home shirt and struggling to find a place to stand with his four mates, plonked his brim-full pint glass on their table for two, just centimetres from their main course plates.

Another burst of “Ha’way the lads’’ followed. The chef stuck her heard out of the window and said to the waitress: “I am glad I am in the kitchen, rather than being out there.’’

The embattled waitress was succeeding in smiling through the pain of coping with the wall of noise and the awkward combination of keeping well-heeled local punters and thirsty away fans happy.

I caught her eye and explained I was ready to order. I was halfway through the word fish cake, or the two words of fish cake if you are a pedant, when she asked if I could pay upfront.

Now this isn’t usual practise [sic] in the not so many gastro pubs I frequent, my weekly foray to Ronald McDs yes, but gastro, no way?

“I am so sorry’’, she said, ‘’But we have had three ‘walk aways’.’’ My puzzled look prompted her to add: “Three tables of people have left without paying their bills.’’

Shocked I replied: “Good Lord, surely not?’’

“I know’’, she replied, then added: “We had a table with two grey-haired 50-somethings, a couple who racked up a £50 bill including starters and wine and just walked out.’’

“Were they from up north?’’ I asked, only because the entire pub was full of Sunderland fans. “I think so’’ she said.

I struggled to contain myself as I completed my order of fish cakes – it tuned out to be one fish cake – chips (in small tin) and peas (also in small tin).

After finishing my dinner I headed to the stadium. Rovers had a go, but Sunderland stuck their wide attackers on the touchlines when they had the ball, and McGeady – subjected to endless “You’re just a sh** Adam Johnson” chants from Gasheads – ran riot.

To be fair Sunderland could have been four up on 15 minutes. But we kept them out during the early stages.

A bloke who is very ‘in the know’ told us on Saturday that McGeady was on £80k a week at Spartak and is now on £60k a week at the Stadium of Light.

‘’That’s more than our entire first team wage bill for a f*****g month’’, he added before revealing Lee Cattermole is on £45k a week, and Will Grigg on £25k week.

So I was chuffed with the game being scoreless for the first half an hour. Then it was the December away game all over again as Rovers switched off just before half-time and just after.

The Gas battled valiantly during the second half and probably did enough to earn a draw, but as both sets of fans know, normal FA/Football League rules don’t count at this level.

So 487 cases of Sunderland players tugging the shirts of Rovers players as they went for the ball isn’t a violation of the rules of the game. Oh and we should have had a pen or two.

But overall Sunderland were better than us and deserved the win. As the 2,000-ish smiling Mackems poured out of the Mem with Wembley on their minds, there was only two things on my mind …

The ballsy, grey-haired, elderly couple who probably drove eight hours down to Bristol to see their beloved team play, enjoyed a free £50 dinner, then cheered their boys on to victory – and now have a trip to the national stadium to look forward to.

Gastro pubs in the Wembley area, beware. Your worst nightmare could be on their way to visit you …

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Salut! Sunderland is written, illustrated and edited by - and principally for - supporters of Sunderland AFC. The site aims to be sufficiently literate and entertaining to appeal to people who do not follow SAFC but enjoy good football writing.

16 Responses to “Do they mean us? How Sunderland fans shocked a Bristol Rovers Gashead” Subscribe

  1. Brian March 7, 2019 at 2:10 am #

    Someone channelling their inner AA Gill

    • malcolm March 7, 2019 at 9:34 am #

      Ah Brian – showing your true colours again. Time to drop the illiterate pretence in your usual anti Ross, anti Donald, anti the whole team comments.

      I assume you’ll be looking forward to watching Mr Insipid and his pub team at Wembley.

  2. Phil Johnson March 7, 2019 at 3:21 am #

    Tries to appear balanced but the ‘gas’ appears to have affected his brain!

  3. Neil March 7, 2019 at 7:25 am #

    Doing a runner is never acceptable. Of course no one from Bristol has ever done a runner. I will send a fiver to the pub by way of atonement…..won’t cover the meal however I imagine their beer sales were above average that day

    I’m sure the Rovers v City derbies are genteel affairs….hold on….aren’t they one of the bitterest confrontations in the UK?

    We’ve played the Gas 3 times and won 3 times. On Tuesday we had three of our Academy on the pitch and more on the bench. We have free players and cheap buys. Leadbitter took a paycut , Oviedo didn’t make the squad. Big salaries have not helped avoid relegation….Rodwell anyone. The salary angle is a cheap shot. Luton’s wages are akin to the Gas and Luton are a much much better side

  4. John Mac March 7, 2019 at 9:22 am #

    If the waitress only thought the couple were from “up north” they weren’t from the north.

  5. malcolm March 7, 2019 at 9:31 am #

    Ignoring the confusion between practise (verb) and practice (noun) and the cheap jibe about dodgy accents, as a short, stocky grey haired man who normally tries to avoid stereotyping, I will respond to his assumption that the couple who did a runner must have been from the North East by questioning whether any Sunderland fan, would order starters, and choose wine in a pub that does good beer and state emphatically that anyone from the area who would choose to eat in a gastro pub is unlikely to be the type to do a runner, proving my point that it is easy to make assumptions and generalise.

    It’s a shame that Doug didn’t nip down the road to Jean’s bistro where I had a brilliant, reasonably priced, two course Thai meal and was the only one in there at 5 o’clock before nipping in next door to the highly rated Drapers Arms where I had sensible conversation with some Gasheads and three pints of excellent ale.

    • salutsunderland March 7, 2019 at 10:08 am #

      I was too concerned with Doug’s misunderstanding of ha’way to spot that one, Malcolm.

  6. Eric012 March 7, 2019 at 9:33 am #

    Pedant eh? Apparently there’s a lot of them in Bristol.

    • FulwellEnder March 7, 2019 at 10:49 am #

      Me Auntie Olive was very happy after three Mackies.

  7. salutsunderland March 7, 2019 at 9:59 am #

    I also thought Doug’s basis for assuming via the waitress that the couple were Sunderland fans was flimsy. But I am far more annoyed about him calling people in their 50s elderly.

    • John Mac March 7, 2019 at 10:33 am #

      I’m 68 next birthday and have been elderly for at least 30 years.

      In fact, I went from trying to get through the boys’ gate (sorry female readers but it’s a truism) in the Fulwell end to trying to get OAP concessionary tickets at the SOL with nothing in between

    • malcolm March 7, 2019 at 11:14 am #

      Looks as if I was born 19 days too late to get a half price Wembley ticket! And I have to wait until I’m 65 and 7 months to get my pension and a bus pass!

      PS Doug I don’t consider myself old either though my knees do!

  8. FulwellEnder March 7, 2019 at 10:46 am #

    Columbo here, on the case.
    All the fuss surrounds a couple on one table, but the frazzled waitress said “Three tables of people have left without paying their bills.’’ What about the other two, eh?
    And, as mentioned in comments, if said waitress only thought they were from up north, they probably weren’t.
    After all, she’d been bombarded with Makemite for hours, and the pet lamb should be fluent by now.
    In addition, ‘up north’ covers a multitude of sins. The fleeing silver foxes could be from Newcastle, Leeds, etc.
    And finally, our Bristolian Morse has polluted logic when he says “Were they from up north?’’ I asked, only because the entire pub was full of Sunderland fans.
    Apart from him. Oh, and probably the young love birds. Oh, and probably the other two escapee tables, determined not to pay as they’d had their meal spoilt by a host of happy Ha’wayers.

  9. wrinkly pete March 7, 2019 at 11:53 am #

    Age hey? I abide by the old adage “you’re only as old as the woman you feel”…… and in my case the wife is older than me!!!

  10. Joan March 7, 2019 at 5:44 pm #

    I was taught at Houghton Grammar that the way to remember the s / c issue is advice and advise. Thanks for another very entertaining read. I can only apologise to Bristolians if the people who walked off without paying were from the NE … but more evidence may be needed

  11. sobs March 7, 2019 at 8:53 pm #

    This chap must be tall…. our fans are “typically shorter” than him, but the one who started the chant was 6’4″. Who goes to a gastropub on matchday when it’s the closest to the ground and expect a quiet sit-down meal?
    Chicken and chips at the Draper’s Arms, £1.50, and, as other replies have stated, good craic with locals.

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